Feedback is a double edge sword

“Giving Feedback” to your team members is a calm and professional phrase to describe what might be, in reality, tiptoeing through an active minefield. 

If you open your mouth to praise your team members for doing something right, you have bolstered their self-confidence and will step off the field a hero. If, however, you are offering criticism, you may do more than just put your foot in your mouth, you may actually step on one of those mines, and blow off your own toes. 

Let me help you avoid that messy scenario.

First, let’s start with positive Feedback. Your team member is performing professionally, interacting well with patients, learning quickly, applying what they learned appropriately, treating their fellow teammates (including you) with respect—overall that team member is living up to what you expected when you chose them to be on your team in the first place.

Or perhaps the team member is struggling a bit and hasn’t yet become such a paragon of virtue, but they have done one outstanding thing or stood apart from their fellows in some area or simply are visibly trying to meet your high standards, even if they haven’t gotten there yet.

Rule #1 of Feedback: No praise is too lavish nor too public. Compliment the team member on their effort, loudly and often. If you can do so in front of their colleagues, that’s even better. Everyone (even subconsciously) will compete for the boss’ praise and all will strive to do better. The complimented team member will swell with pride, and redouble their efforts, and, as the old adage says, they may forget exactly what you said, but will never forget how you made them feel.

As often as possible, let your team members know you appreciate and respect them. Point out what they are doing right and thank them for their efforts. Such praise will encourage them to “keep up the good work.”

But what if the Feedback you have to give is negative?

Humans, being humans, react more strongly to the stick than the carrot and almost everyone is overly sensitive to criticism. Research reported in the Harvard Business Review found that many team members, “considered themselves to be on the receiving end of workplace incivility, such as overly harsh criticism from their boss,” whether that criticism was really overly harsh or not. According to the research, “nearly half of these employees so criticized decided to intentionally decrease their productivity.” That is the opposite effect from what you are aiming for when giving Feedback. You want the team member to correct their behavior and do a better job, not have them feel ashamed, humiliated, angry, or defensive. That is not the type of change you are trying to bring about.

So, what to do when the Feedback you need to give is negative? Don’t put off sharing your Feedback. Nip things in the bud so the problem doesn’t grow bigger and more intractable. Weeds are always better pulled when they are smaller and before they grow deep roots.

Most importantly, deliver such criticism in private, never in front of others. You will not be forgiven for calling anyone out in front of their co-workers and the person so criticized will be unable to hear what you suggest as a remedy because their ears will be clogged with resentment.

Instead, ask for the team member to meet with you in private, using the magic phrase “I’d like to share some Feedback with you.” This phrase will allow the team member to respond to what you say, as opposed to react to what you say. If they are not hearing you through a haze of defensiveness and anger, your message will be much better received.

When it comes to that message, you also should make sure you are responding to the situation, as opposed to reacting. The best way to do this is to write your thoughts down on paper before sharing them. Writing everything down will help you organize and clarify what you want to say, but even better, will strip any anger or harshness from your critique before it shoots out of your mouth like a dragon’s flame. The last thing you want is for the team member to react like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car. You don’t need them to be frozen in place. You need them to be able to hear you, unencumbered by fear or defensiveness.

Feedback, like everything we do as management, is not emotionally charged. It’s goal-oriented. With that in mind, keep your voice down and your tone friendly and encouraging. Make it clear from the beginning of the conversation that the team member still has your respect and your support. 

Explain calmly and comprehensively, the situation as you see it and how you think the team member acted or reacted badly. Be aware that if you find yourself repeating a comment when talking about their error, it is a sure sign you are trying to force a solution. Bludgeoning them over the head about their bad behavior will not help them change that behavior in the future. 

Feedback is based on trust and transparency, but it has to go both ways. After you’ve said what you need to say, it is time for you to sit back and listen to their side of the story. 

This part of the Feedback session can quickly devolve into the team member rattling off lots of words in their own defense. While you do need to let them get some of this off their chest, allowing them to go on and on will do neither of you any good. Tell them that you understand their feelings and gently, but firmly, steer the conversation back to a more useful track. 

Have in your written script, the outcome you would like to see to resolve this problem. Then focus on suggesting how they might have handled the situation better, laying out for them potential future improvements. Ask if they understand your suggestions or if they have any questions. Offer to help them in any way you can. Gain their agreement to try to correct their behavior in the future. Thank them for talking it over with you. Tell them you know that such “bumps” in the road will be smoothed out as you both learn how better to work together and now that they know how you expect the practice to be run. Then end the Feedback session.

Keep in mind that criticism can have an unexpectedly large impact on a team member’s happiness and productivity. Negative Feedback, poorly handled, will be the subject of talk around the proverbial watercooler and that discontent can spread like wildfire. Conversely though, if you prove yourself to be empathic and fair in your giving of feedback, that too will be noted, and remembered, by your team.